Over seven months have passed since I last posted. It feels like it was just yesterday -- and yet also a lifetime ago. Everything has changed in the blur of the last seven months.I now have a son. I am now a mother. How weird is that? He is wonderful and he has taken over our lives.
I am now a homeowner. How grown up is that? We moved into a bungalow that we love at the end of February. Four weeks later Bird arrived -- three weeks early. Ack!
I have never been happier. I have never felt more stress. Is it possible to feel both at the same time?
I have to laugh at the younger me -- the one who thought she was busy. Ha! Writing a dissertation while teaching four sections, managing three grad students, and planning a wedding while commuting six hours between two cities every weekend was a cake walk compared to this.
I have to scoff at the the younger me -- the educated, feminist one who thought she would get pregnant, have a baby, take the allotted time for leave, and then simply go back to work.
How do people do this? How do women do this? How do working women do this? I have never done anything more rewarding, but I have to say I had no idea how it would work (and feel) on the ground, so to speak.
And then there's breastfeeding and going back to work. Pumping three times a day in a storage closet that was turned into a student aide office that was turned into a storage closet that is now my milking room is nuts. I know that many women past and present have pumped in much worse settings, but ack, this gets tough sometimes. I won't get into the abnormal distortions of my nipples (speaking of tough) or any other biological details, but wow do I respect women who can do this and work any job -- especially any demanding job.
Not that I'm complaining. (I've been saying that too much lately.) I find it interesting the ease with which I make decisions regarding things I need to do for our Bird. Breastmilk is best when it is possible. It's possible in my situation and Bird is thriving to date. Thus, the decision is easy -- I pump.
Pumping results in lots of work each evening as well. Neither David nor I ever imagined the hours we would spend measuring out 4-ounce servings of me, dating and sorting them, stacking them by date in the fridge and freezer, washing milk storage containers and bottle parts and pump parts, sanitizing all such containers and pump parts (and the occasional nuk), assembling bottles and containers, stocking a cooler of milk for Bird and cooler of containers to be filled for me....it is an endless cycle. It takes time.
I am much more aware of time now. Much of my life passes in three-hour segments -- the time between pumping or feeding. Even though I miss Bird all day long and hate to be away from him, many days at work pass in a blur.
I do not have enough time to get it all done.
I am getting better at being more efficient with my work days. Work is a lot different when you have to limit things to eight hours and you don't have the freedom to take a longer lunch or dawdle longer after a meeting and just stay later.
Like several other things in my adult life, I am now coming to an understanding (and, apparently, a club) that many millions of working women came to before I did. I am very much enjoying motherhood and feel like I am starting to find a balance between work and home -- a balance that allows me to be a mom 100% of the time even though I work. And this is a good thing since a new school year is upon us and my job is about to change a little -- or a lot, we'll see.
Part of this new balance involves getting back to activities that I enjoy -- such as writing! Here's hoping that I can find the time to get back to this blog.
And speaking of time -- August 4 marked the fourth anniversary of this blog.
