Sabotaging My Workout

I have decided to try to get back into a regular workout schedule. I was seeing a personal trainer -- Stephanie -- when I was still down in Champaign. Dave and I were making wedding plans, so I had the wedding dress incentive, and a doctor had informed me that I needed to change my diet and start working out or go on medication for hypertension, so I had the high blood pressure can screw with your life incentive.

Stephanie was outstanding. I saw her once a week. She immediately identified my personality type and used it against me. She was subtle but persistent, and always got me fired up. We managed to laugh most sessions, too. I was a beginner in every sense of the word, but she wouldn't let me use that excuse. During one of our sessions she introduced me to an 80-year-old woman who had just started working out also. She put us both on exercise balls for push ups -- you roll the ball down between your knees and your ankles and do push ups from there causing both your arms and every muscle you never knew in your whole gut region to get a work out. The work out room was mirrored so that you could watch your form. I watched the 80-year-old. There was no way I was going to let that lady squeeze out more or better push ups than I did. (Lucky for me, she was not there the next week when I was doing push ups on the ball and fell off.)

I always dreaded going to the gym -- that never got easy for me, it was never a habit. But I almost always loved it once I got about 5 minutes into our session. Stephanie mixed it up a lot, let me do the things I liked (any arm work while on the ball), and constantly introduced things I hated (anything having to do with squats or lunges and the damned medicine ball). I felt success and achievement after every session.

To top it off, I felt great in my sleeveless wedding gown and my blood pressure was an unprecedented 120/80 at my last doctor visit in Champaign. (The nursed ended up checking it twice and then the doctor later checked it herself since it was a much lower number than I had ever posted.)

And now all is lost. I did some workouts on my own when I moved up to the big city last August and up until the wedding. Stephanie had educated me enough to do some real work on my own and I found a great book to put a plan together. She even gave me her email address so I could ask for advice. After the wedding, and then the honeymoon and the holidays, I just plain quit.

Ironically, it is the end of summer that is pushing me towards getting back in shape. I've never liked my warm weather clothes -- but I love fall and winter wardrobes and I am worried about my size this year. I am concerned about how I look, not what I weigh. I also know that my blood pressure is probably not good. I haven't had enough information or the nerve to find and go to a new doctor up here yet (please refrain from emailing me about this -- I know, I know), so I haven't confirmed that I have lost what I achieved down at school in terms of the blood pressure.

So, I dusted off the book, cleaned off the exercise ball, and dug out my weights last week. Yep, I still hate lunges and squats. I wanted to ease back into it. I worked out on Thursday and was still hurting on Saturday. Stephanie taught me (pushed me) to do my very first push up -- of any kind. First we did them on an incline -- my hands higher than my feet, then I started doing them on my knees, and then I did my first bona fide push up. It was excruciating to do. Stephanie had me up to two sets of ten real push ups by the time I moved. We joked each time I groaned out in struggle that I would soon be doing them one handed or maybe even the cool ones where you clap in between them.

I did two push ups on Thursday -- on my knees. Ugh.

Today, I put on workout clothes when I got up so that I had no excuses when I got back from dropping Dave off. I had my mat, weights, book, ball, and step stool (I need to get one of those aerobic step sets) at the ready. I turned on the tv. Mistake.

I worked out today while watching Martha Stewart make roasted chicken and spoon bread. There was more butter in the spoon bread alone than we have in the kitchen right now. I changed channels. Oprah was doing some makeover show. Iman was talking about losing the 50 lbs she gained after having a baby at age 42?! She started boxing to get back to a size 6. Victoria Principal (of Dallas fame) was on -- she's 50-something and just can't give up eating chocolate every day. She looks better know than I did at 20.

I learned this morning that some television programs might sabotage my workout. And I also learned that lunges with hand weights are easier to do if you think about stepping on someone's head. And then punching them.